Back again and of course with another post about CF, I would stop but for some reason CF won’t leave me alone.
Over the past few weeks I have been feeling the strains of CF, in the sense that any time I have tried to get on with things it seems to push me back down. This had led me to think about how I feel about having CF in the first place.
Frustration when I’m feeling ill can make me resent CF and wish that I didn’t have it…and thats what got me thinking about my ‘relationship’ with CF.
Obviously it would make sense for me to say that I wish I never had it and it would be normal for me to feel hate towards the illness that is so debilitating in many aspects of my life. CF means I can’t plan my future in the same way other people can as I don’t know if I will be well enough, it’s constant pills, nebs, inhalers and physio, it makes me constantly worried about catching a cold that will inevitably go to my chest and lead to antibiotics, it’s worrying that at any second I’ll get pancreatitis pain and have to spend days on end in bed and its having the hospital become my second home. More than anything I dislike the sympathy that comes with having CF.
Even when writing this it just isn’t possible for me to hate CF…although it causes endless pain, I know I wouldn’t be who I am today without it. Its helped me to see life differently to my peers as I try to live more in the moment and try to live one day at a time. It’s helped me to feel so much compassion for those who are more unwell than me and its made me appreciate just how lucky I really am. There are people who are suffering in significantly more ways than me and I’m so grateful for what I have. Through CF I’ve got to know some amazing people in the CF community who can relate to what I’m going through and the friendships of the health care professionals who take such good care of me. These people become like family and I wouldn’t want to change that for anything.
I think what Im trying to say is that as hard as it can be, CF has made me who I am.
If people have any requests or suggestions on some more posts then please let me know 🙂
Thanks for reading,